*stuff*

heavy heart fueled by a head full of 'stuff' that i just can't shake.

why do i revert to old ways of thinking?
why do i do this or that, or why don't i do this or that?
the calendar says i'm older, but inside i still feel young in some ways.
why can't i just go for what i really want?
why do i have to doubt myself and fear and be insecure?
where is the confidence?  even just a little of it...enough to really get the ball rolling to happiness, fulfillment and the feeling of accomplishment?
where, oh where, is the self discipline to do it all, every day?
why don't i do what i know in my head to be the best for me?
why do i sabotage myself?
why do i feel unworthy of being thin?
why do i believe in others but not myself?
when will i get fed up enough to not care what others think of me?

why? when? where?